Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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