There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
