this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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