If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
