oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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