i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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