this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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