I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
