Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
