Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
