I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
