I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
