member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
