just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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