he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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