Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
