Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
