it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
