She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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