32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
