He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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