You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
