you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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