Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
