accomplished twins. life is a go
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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