No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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