atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
