remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We left the knife in your bed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
