we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
