So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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