P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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