Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
