Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
