Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
