Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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