I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
