Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
