What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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