I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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