the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
