K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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