Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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