I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
