wanna go halves on a baby?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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