Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
