I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
