This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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