you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
