dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
