It's like God shit irony all over that family
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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