that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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