Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
