There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
