So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
