Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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